im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize