Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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