So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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