Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
