Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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