Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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