Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
