Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've blown a few things in my day
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
