It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
