i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
