what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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