She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
