My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
