i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Vodka?
Forever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
