I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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