peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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