He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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