i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
