There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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