marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
birth control should be required to get into college
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
