just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
