Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
