Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
