You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
