mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
