It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize