dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
