Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
