i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
