It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
