grandma shit on top of the toilet
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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