Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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