You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just had sex on a roof
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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