FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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