I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
