could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
