I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
