You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
