I love black thongs
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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