Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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