your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
