OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
