Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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