so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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