So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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