mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
