Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
