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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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