plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
