ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
did i just pee glitter
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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