There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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