dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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