i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
