I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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