he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
