i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
