Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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