My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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