I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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