then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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