i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
