You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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