Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
