I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
