Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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