Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
