i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Someone signed my nipple.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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