I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
