Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
