my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
