You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
