he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize