I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
