he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
