You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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