Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
