I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
