Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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