I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
