wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
