the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
