Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and she was petting her beer can
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize