Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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