You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
