just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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