Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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