the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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