Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
