Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
