Already got asked if we're dating
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize